Dirty Chinese Thieves
Uber Alles-12”
By Christopher Duda
(Sugar666Buzz Toronto)
Photos By Punk Rick
SugarBuzz Magazine
The asphalt outside the club with the blinking fluorescent sign became littered with flyers, cigarette butts, used prophylactics, drunken patrons and various bodily fluids. Stumbling, clawing down the stairs like a mass conglomerate of flesh, hair and dirty teeth; these faux Oliver Twist Asian street urchins come screaming out the glass door with one unified head and several limbs. The head turns to the motley fans, regurgitates nicotine stained phlegm pancakes, states “We Love You”, and hurls it towards the girl with the torn fishnets. Scratching at the spray painted dented van and thrusting the rusted door open they clamber in smiling with their one mouth exclaiming “Fuck You …Give Us your Money”. The smell of burnt rubber, noxious dirty fuel and sweat fill the air as the thieves make off with a handful of money and the girl with the ripped fishnet stockings. Off to the next gig.
On the small wooden stage held together with jizz, blood and urine stands the lone dirty Chinese Thief. A mess of arms much like a Hindu Love Goddess stands before the battered weather worn instrument perhaps similar to a one-man band in a circus of hellish proportions. Incisive dagger glares freeze the immobilized audience waiting to thrust them into an eternal death roll. The lone head’s teeth 
are gnarling, clanking and grinding waiting to taste and salivate over the flesh that idolizes. Bilking the audience of what they deserve and demand; the thief scratches his nails across the rusted strings whilst banging out a rhythm with a head that got too close (and you thought attending a GG Allin show was dangerous). Pangs of pain fill the air. The dust screams from the corner. Bottles break. Floorboards creek and now the show can finally begin! Dirty Chinese Thieves mean business. Sputtering enamel drips off the yellowed fangs and injects his poison Molotov cocktail hurling towards the converted. Are you ready?
Much like a bastard song of Dean Dirg or Henry Fiats Open Sore before they found Britney; the Dirty Chinese Thieves come ripping like death sunny side up twisting and writhing like Black Flag era My War combined with the deafening arsenal of 10 bell tower snipers aiming to kill.
Want six hardcore punk’n roll songs singed onto black vinyl. Ya got it. Now go cry to mama….pussy boy- because these guys are for keeps.
Order here….Or Else!
http://www.scratchrecords.com/